–by Janyne A. McConnaughey, Ph.D. originally published June 21, 2017 on Janyne’s blog I stood in the doorway. I was very small, maybe two. I was sucking on my two middle fingers and watching my mother in the kitchen. I was forbidden from entering. Then I did the unthinkable. I stepped over the imaginary line and asked for a cookie. The response was not a positive one, but what strikes me most is how I felt
–by Donald Craig Peterson Manager’s note: you can read the original post on Craig’s own blog, Adopting Faith: A Father’s Unconditional Love. Craig also has a forthcoming memoir, Adopting Faith: A Father’s Unconditional Love, and you can follow his son Andrew’s story by clicking “Like” on the Facebook page, Andrew Peterson Goes for the Gold. ____________ The past month at my house has been rough. More surprises than usual. And not the pleasant variety. To be honest, I’ve been
–by Julie Beem In my last post, I wrote about a mom in search of an appropriate consequence for her daughter’s misbehavior at school. I suggested that an at-home consequence (taking away Wednesday night church activities) for an in-school behavior might not be the best approach, in part because children with brains affected by trauma lack neurotypical cause-and-effect thinking. Today, I’m going to address two other reasons such consequences usually don’t work. First of all,
–by Janyne McConnaughey, Ph.D. The doctor my parents took me to was wise beyond his era. He said, “She seems to be a bit anxious about school. Maybe it would help to keep her home for a week.” My first-grade report card proves that his advice was taken. In the midst of almost perfect attendance, there was an anomaly. It was called trauma. I used to tell a story about that year, a story I
–By Julie Beem A mother called me a while back. “What consequence can I give her?” she started, “She just won’t behave at school and the teacher keeps sending home notes. The only thing I can think of, the only thing she seems to enjoy is going to our church’s Wednesday night events. If I take this away, will she understand and start behaving?” Hmmm…this type of consequence makes logical sense in typical parenting world.
–by Laura Dennis Author’s note: I was working on an entirely brand-new post for this week, but life happened. I present instead an edited version of a a post I wrote for my own blog, Les Pensées du chat noir, in honor of National Attachment and Trauma Awareness Day, 2015. You can learn more at the NATA website. In 2015, my family did more than their fair share to keep doctors in business. Whether it be broken
–by Lorraine Fuller If you live in a house with trauma, you know that not all seasons are created equal. Most kids do better with a regular routine, but especially special needs kids. As parents of those special kiddos, we learn how to tiptoe around holidays and traditions. We often clash with relatives, neighbors or teachers in our efforts to protect our children from the damaging effects of those special days. This means that holidays we
–by Julie Beem There’s a phrase my daughter spits out in anger and rage. One that does not contain obscenities or obvious threats, but still strikes fear in my heart. The phrase is, “It’s Just Like Mother’s Day!” She usually says this through gritted teeth in almost a growl-like tone with her face contorted. Even those who have no frame of reference can tell that she does not have a sweet, positive memory of Mother’s Day.
Manager’s Note: Back in February, we published a guest post by “Emerging Mama” Monica. It was so popular that we decided to try another. Please visit Monica and see all the good things she has to say at http://emergingmama.com/, where you will find, among other things, the original version of the post that follows, which was written back in January, but will ring just as true today as it did then. —– PARENTING TRAUMA REQUIRES A MAJOR
Blog manager’s note: Due to the sensitive nature of this post, ATN has decided, as an exception to our usual practice, to allow the contributing blogger to publish this post anonymously and without images. We trust that our readers will understand. Most parents hear about a school shooting and cry because they realize their kids could have been the victims. I cry because my kid could be a shooter. Don’t worry: he’s not. We take