–By Hilary Jacobs Hendel Manager’s note: The ATN blog is pleased to announce the addition of therapist and author Hilary Jacobs Hendel to our lineup of regular contributors. Although not as adoption- or attachment-focused as some of our other bloggers, Hilary’s work on core emotions and “The Change Triangle” provides precious insight into both our children and ourselves. Enjoy! What ‘Mad Men’ and Don Draper Taught Us About Trauma and Shame originally published on Hilary
–By Julie Beem A mother called me a while back. “What consequence can I give her?” she started, “She just won’t behave at school and the teacher keeps sending home notes. The only thing I can think of, the only thing she seems to enjoy is going to our church’s Wednesday night events. If I take this away, will she understand and start behaving?” Hmmm…this type of consequence makes logical sense in typical parenting world.
–by Lorraine Fuller If you live in a house with trauma, you know that not all seasons are created equal. Most kids do better with a regular routine, but especially special needs kids. As parents of those special kiddos, we learn how to tiptoe around holidays and traditions. We often clash with relatives, neighbors or teachers in our efforts to protect our children from the damaging effects of those special days. This means that holidays we
–by Julie Beem There’s a phrase my daughter spits out in anger and rage. One that does not contain obscenities or obvious threats, but still strikes fear in my heart. The phrase is, “It’s Just Like Mother’s Day!” She usually says this through gritted teeth in almost a growl-like tone with her face contorted. Even those who have no frame of reference can tell that she does not have a sweet, positive memory of Mother’s Day.
–by Kathy Lynn Harris From the blog manager: this guest post comes partly because, well, it’s just that good, and also comes in honor of next Sunday, a.k.a. Mother’s Day, a day that for many of us is loaded with meaning and memories both good and bad. Infinite thanks to Kathy Lynn Harris, blogger and author of two novels and three children’s books, for giving us permission to re-post here. You can read more about and by
–by Laura Dennis “You’re safe now,” my friend said, stroking my hair as I sipped a glass of water. Some time later, my daughter said nearly the same. Both times, I curled softly into sleep. Not much of a story, is it? Woman gets scared, woman finds safety, woman sleeps. For me, though, this story is remarkable. I’d been fighting an epic migraine, one that had started clawing up the side of my face during a five-hour drive. That
–by Julie Beem I read about some interesting research on praise in an educator’s blog that cited a study done by Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford on praising 5th graders. (These were neurotypical 5th graders, BTW.) The experiment went like this. They gave 400 5th graders a simple puzzle in which everyone did well and was praised. Half the group was praised with “you’re so smart,” and the other half with “you must have worked
–Laura Dennis, blog manager Welcome back! These are exciting times at ATN! We apologize for the temporary absence of the blog. We have missed you, and hope you feel the same. Thankfully, we are back online and ready and raring to go! This week we are blessed to have Craig Peterson share a great piece on FASD, then later this week we will hear from a mom who shares how she deals with the prospect of what I can only
-by Julie Beem The title probably doesn’t surprise you, but now there is scientific evidence…right down to the cellular level. A study coming out of the University of California-San Francisco compared biological mothers of chronically ill children to those of healthy children. The finding was that those who had chronically ill children had a higher level of chronic stress that had significant impact on three biological factors – the length of telomeres, the activity of
-by Laura Dennis I was enjoying my coffee when a panicked voice rose from the back yard. “Help!” My spit cup is in a tree!” I never imagined these words in the same breath: help, spit, cup, tree. Well, not until I became a parent, and not just any parent, but a parent with special powers, for I am raising a child with attachment disorder. I acquired these powers thanks to a series of so-called